Dare to ask: Girl, you look good sexually

By Phillip Milano

Question

Some of my teenage female students tell me they are hit on so much by men, all ages, all ethnicities, that they are afraid to go buy gas alone. These aren't skanky girls. What gives?

T.R., 48, female, Jacksonville

Replies

The media, advertising and our general culture teaches men that all women are available (for the right price). Men are told that "no" means "yes" and that any woman who bothers to put on lipstick is actively trolling for sex with anyone who happens to want her. I've heard a guy say that any woman who works out to have a good figure must be a slut.

D.L., female, Los Angeles

I'm so sick of men's demeaning catcalls and staring at me like a piece of meat. It makes me wary of all men because it has happened so often. It seems to be a way for them to gain control of us. It's harassment, but since it happens so often in the public setting, people have resorted to "ignoring" it instead of doing something about it.

Mariam, 19, Bay Area, Calif.

Nowadays you can't even tell a woman they look beautiful or any kind of compliment without them feeling you are attempting to win them over for some other agenda. I know all about harassment. I worked at a bar for more than a year where 90 percent of our private parties were older women, and they would harass me and another bartender constantly. I don't like hearing guys whistle or yell down the street at women they don't know. It's childish and ignorant, but nowadays a lot of younger women seem to enjoy it.

Rick, 27, Trenton, N.J.

Expert says

It's apparently a low-down dirty old man fact that dudes have always been something that rhymes with corny.

Males of all species are easily aroused sexually and are inclined to look for extra partners, said David Barash, professor of psychology at the University of Washington and co-author of The Myth of Monogamy.

"The best strategy evolutionary-wise is to be fast and loose," said Barash, who researches evolutionary biology. "It's because those who are more successful produce more offspring."

Even if a guy isn't looking to procreate, natural selection has endowed him with a "sexual sweet tooth" - a penchant for responding to reproductive needs with sexual arousal.

Research shows that young women can be more attractive to, say, a middle-aged man because women who are similar in age to the older man have likely gone through menopause - and that means they've lost at least some of their sexual attractiveness, Barash said.

"Women who are age 18 to 30 are the most attractive, which is when they are also the most reproductive."

The bottom line is men have a lower threshold when it comes to showing sexual interest, he said.

"Studies show that a woman will smile, and the guy thinks, 'She's coming on to me,' while the woman just feels she's being nice, and has no sexual interest in him at all."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.