Dare to Ask: Take a few tips from servers

By Phillip J. Milano

Question

Why do we tolerate tipping instead of revolting against it?

Christine, Detroit

Replies

You think they run all over Sam Hill getting you drinks, food, refills and making sure you're happy just for kicks?

J.F., 24, Houston

Go to McDonalds.

Justin, 26, Indiana

What irks me lately is people expecting tips for non-traditional tipping services. I see tipping jars at Dunkin' Donuts and serve-yourself buffet restaurants.

Rick, 53, Philadelphia

I work in a buffet-style restaurant and the servers make $2.13 an hour. We rely on our tips. ... If your child makes a mess, scribbles on the table, throws food on the floor, think about who has to clean it up.

Melissa, 20, Jacksonville

Have you ever seen the movie "A Christmas Story"? The family is having dinner, and every time Mom tries to take a bite, someone says, "Please pass the ..." or "May I have some more ..." and she jumps up and takes care of the request. The narrator says: "My mother hadn't had a hot meal in 15 years." That's what you're paying for with your tips.

Melody, 40, Kansas City, Mo.

The [abuse] I put up with [from tourists] is deserving of tips: getting yelled at because they had a [bad] flight, drive, etc.

Kristy, 26, Orlando

It's common for us pizza drivers to take deliveries to known tippers first. Anyone who is rude or known to stiff is at the bottom of our list.

Sarah, 21, Asheville, N.C.

I worry that if I don't give a tip, the next time I am in the establishment, they will touch my food in inappropriate ways.

Stryker, 32, Pittsburgh

Expert says

Add cold pizza and particulates in our chicken marsala sauce to the list of national worries.

Thank George Pullman for gratuities in America. When he popularized rail travel with Pullman cars around the Civil War, he hired freed slaves to do service work whites wouldn't do, said longtime waiter Paul Paz, past president of the National Waiters Association and author of "Service At Its Best."

"One rule was you lived on tips only," he said.

That system has endured.

In most states, restaurants can pay wait-staff below minimum wage if it's offset by tip income, Paz said.

"The restaurant owner would raise menu prices if there were no tips, because he'd have to raise labor costs. Tipping works to the consumer's benefit, and it means they have discretion on what they pay for service."

The standard now is 18 percent - 20 or more for extraordinary service, Paz said.

What about whispers you hear about the types of people who do and don't tip well?

"That's just stereotyping. I've had disheveled people pull out wads of money for tips, and execs dressed to the nines leave 5 percent. You never know."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.